The butterfly over the moon

 A butterfly is the last image to be added into the centre of the leaf litter that circles the white sliver of a new moon under the waxing full moon. Instead of the little possum at the centre of the protective wreath of leaves, there is a butterfly hovering over a crescent new moon, the left as it first appears in the southern hemisphere. A small leadlight butterfly made from orange glass and bought many years ago from the local Ivy Markets, where I used to sell my homemade chutneys sat beside a photo of Leo and Mel on their wedding day, and a candle I lit every day to farewell Amara on her journey. The glistening golden delicacy of the pink damask fabric used is transformed into Amara’s soul, taking wing as a butterfly. She sits prepared for take-off at the centre of the quilt. 

The butterfly’s wings are Leo and Mel flying together in harmony and sharing rhythm, creating the space for the birth of new life. Spread out they form the oval shape of a ‘vesica piscis’, the life-giving womb. It is also the shape of the Sheila-na-gig forms from pre-Christian times, with legs apart to hold the entrance to her womb open for all to see, a gesture that to reminds us that what emerges from Earth’s womb must return to the womb of the Great Mother who gives us life. Such is the potential for woman’s womb for manifesting creation. (But don’t get me wrong – I support all decisions made by a woman in relation to her capacity to bring life into the world, or not to. It is after all every woman’s right to decide.)

The fabric for the butterfly is a small piece of a treasure trove, given to me over twenty years ago by a woman I met by chance at a gathering of women in Umina on the central coast of NSW. I was invited to present my quilts for the Wheel of the Year at a local women’s health centre. After showing the eights quilts for each season and talking about my inspirations for each in relation to the diametrical differences between the southern and northern hemispheres, a woman named Nikki approached me. She offered me some very special fabrics that originated in Syria, Damascus to be exact. Her father, who was in the British army, had been stationed in Palestine during the WWII and had sent back the fabrics to his wife and children. These ‘damask’ fabrics are woven through with thread quite literally made from gold. 

I listened to her story. The wall hanging I made for her from these exquisite fabrics had been fashioned into tiny dresses and capes for her and her young sister, and another for their mother. They became the materials from which to create a family wall hanging that gave visual and symbolical recognition to at least some of their lifetime memories and stories. I knew it was a trust she placed in me to bring these mixed memories into visual space for her - to be a form of healing for her through the symbolism created by the use of these exquisite fabrics.  (see Archive February 2011)

However, such wonderful complex fabrics are not easy to work with, especially in small pieces; they need to be stabilised and the edges are liable to fray easily when machine stitched. But the golden glimmer emanating from the flowers and other motifs interwoven into the fabric throughout is irresistible. The butterfly is attached into the middle of the protective leaves, flying across the new waxing to a full orange moon.  The question is: how to keep Amara’s butterfly firmly in place, while letting her fly to visit the various flowers that provide her with nourishment? After machine stitching through the layers, I decided that a fitting adornment was in order, a crown of some sort. She has been adorned with beads across the tops of her wings, which together with her golden ‘eyebrows’ sketched in, she wears a crown - and she is the Queen. 

The butterfly image is also a reminder of the fragility and diversity that is Life on Earth – but most importantly, the transforming and transformative beauty of our natural world. I have been trying to create a little memorial that also brings hope and sense of renewal in observing the cycles of nature – particularly through the fecund body of woman, with the collaboration of man in creating life – and that this little life, cut so short, might find a way back to us so that we can give her or him the love we hold ready. 

The spiral as symbol in Amara's quilt

 As symbol of renewal, the ancient spiral form invites a sense of hope through completion and return, as do the phases of the moon. The name chosen by Mel and Leo for their little girl was Amara, meaning ‘moon’ in Arabic, and if anything is symbolic of life renewing itself the phases of the moon are a very real monthly reminder, tied as they are to women’s menstrual cycles.  It hadn’t occurred to me before that the umbilical cord takes the form of a spiral, a physical connection to the Great Mother, She who gives life and takes back in death, ready for the next manifestation. Though feeling completed now, this little piece was very much a work in progress, took on a life of its own as I felt my way through what will be a healing for us all – a shape shifting into another phase as the Wheel turns. 

Shapeshifting is brought about by the Goddess energy - or that of the Great Mystery spiralling through our lives. In Eastern Europe it was personified in the playful faeries known as Vila, women who showed up unannounced in forest places – maybe even natural bush landscapes! When I first heard this term in relation to the Goddess stories and legends of old, it had literalness about it. Now that literal understanding has shifted to another realisation applied to our personal lives, when we are pulled up short by a sudden, unexpected, harrowing, or maybe joyful event. To learn the art of shapeshifting is how we find our personal pathways through life’s shadows, and access the means to gain new insights, to encourage new growth. It brings the gift of an expansion of awareness that Life is our lived experience and everything comes into being through us, and what it is to just ‘be’ with that process.

The triple spiral, found on the kerbstones of the building at Newgrange in County Meath Ireland, was carved into rock deep in the chamber at the centre of this pre-Celtic mound, and is believed to be the oldest ‘sundial’ in prehistory. At the dawn of the Winter Solstice the sun shines down the length of the underground tunnel, similar to the birth canal, to reveal an intricate, beautiful triple spiral lit up by the rising of the dawn sun. It heralds the sun’s traversing over the seasonal year, and the return of the life cycle in nature, agriculture and animal life. It is also a reminder to be open to change as the most constant quality of Life: change, as demonstrated by the seasons, is the most essential quality of Life, and is part of coming to terms with and making meaning of the many seemingly inexplicable events that inevitably crop up and transform our lives. 

The spiral form is found in other ancient dwellings and sacred spaces, such as the underground Goddess Temple, the Hypogeum of Malta. Estimated to have been built about 6000 years ago, it is one of the world’s most prehistoric sites, only recovered in 1902. Much like Newgrange, its purpose tended to be described as a burial chamber for those awaiting rebirth. Other ideas, based on small clay figurines of reclining women found within the red-painted caverns of Maltese temples, suggest the temples may have been where women gave birth, in safety and with blessings from the being in the womb of Mother Earth. The spirals at this site are two-fold, that is one links back into the other, and has been interpreted as an emblem for the tree of life, its branches and roots deep in the earth, and the return to the womb of Earth after death. 

Then there is the labyrinth, another prehistoric, but well-known spiralling form because so often embedded in the floors of large Christian churches. Chartres Cathedral in France is one very well known example, walked by many a pilgrim and visitor. It reveals the path of the spiral to wind our way into the centre and then return, though changed, by the same path, inviting contemplation and with the intention of changing, of renewing and revitalising our inner self, a magical path to insights, healing and growth – of shape shifting by bringing together the rational and the other intuitive level of consciousness.

After weeks of uncertainty and searching for the best technique to attach by stitching the cut-out triple spiral motif I finally took the plunge, deciding that whatever approach I took it would not be perfect. To hand stitch or machine stitch these small, closely spiralling circles was the question, long pondered for the difficulties and effects of different

methods. Even though each of the symbols has been attached using fusion fabric it is necessary to secure them by stitching. I was finding it difficult to make the decision, partly because of uncertainty about my skills, and probably more so because I was still in the process of mourning, grieving, remembering the first time I heard Leo utter those words. 

Sig Lonegren wrote a very comprehensive, hands-on book on labyrinths in 1991 (Gothic Image Publications,UK) - not to be confused with mazes:  "Labyrinths: ancient myths and modern uses" - complete with instructions and work pages on how to design one!

Next post: the butterfly over the moon!

Symbols for Amara's quilt: flowers and leaves

When the willy-wag-tail came to visit my garden, he made his presence felt by flashing that tail, fanned out as he flitted from branch to branch very nearby. I remember reading to Leo as a child the story of this little black and white bird as the messenger of a death, one of the stories of the Dreamtime. Our little girl, registered as Amara Kheir Solomon has been peacefully laid to rest in the ground surrounded by gum trees, colourful chirping birds and no doubt laughing kookaburras for company. Her resting place backs onto a farmyard, comforting for Mel who spent her young years living on a nearby farm, and near where Amara is 'nurturing the Earth', as Mel said to me.

I thought about including some lovely white flowers within the glowing full moon, having bought a mini version of Magnolia Grandiflora “Little Gem”. Not only a lovely botanical name for our girl, Mel and Leo have an avenue of these gorgeous plants along their driveway, with their full moon and beautifully scented flowers, their dark green leaves and velvety brown undersides. Either it has been difficult to make decisions about the placement of the floral symbols at the edges and corners of the square – or I need time to cherish our little gem, loved so much and missed so dearly. They will show the way in time.

Waratahs are at each of the four corners, placed there to keep Amara bright company under the gum trees. My indigenous friend Cheryl has told me that the Eora word ‘warada’ has the meaning of ‘seen from afar’, so beautifully relevant here. Roses are there to carry the love that so many of us have for her, especially her beautiful parents, Leo and Mel, and grieving grandparents. Another dearly loved friend, so present in Leo’s early life is represented by the roses, which had featured in her personal story quilt. Rob was my antenatal support person and present at his birth 33 years ago. Positioned at the Cross Quarter points, they are also the cycle that is birth, blossoming into life, coming to fullness and then manifesting renewal. There is a group of four roses at the base of the of the leaf circle for Mel, Leo, myself and Amara's bud.

Gum leaves, retrieved when one caught my eye while wandering through the garden, have become a fascination for me over the years with their different sizes, shapes and colours – ‘leaf litter’, as it’s called. I have been picking up those that have called to me, attracting me to check them out by their colour, size or shape. Australian eucalyptus trees are famously not deciduous in the autumn. They lose their leaves all year round, leaving a deep litter of multi-coloured, misshapen and chewed leaves on the ground. Some just fading back to feed the earth, some get eaten away and others are still quite green and young, all of which seems to be so analogous to the human condition.  

I have been collecting these natural items of fascination over time, tracing and cutting onto various home dyed fabrics with a fusible backing attached, ready to be used in the next creative venture. Little did I know that they would be used in this tiny memorial wall- hanging. Both lovers of our beautiful natural environments, it is heartbreaking that Mel and Leo could not share their love for the beauty of our Australian bushland with their little daughter as she grew through them. Trying to move on, while feeling devastated and vulnerable, I’d seen a very sweet photo of the eyes of a baby possum peeking out through a nest of leaves; she looked very safe, secure and comfortable. It also brought to mind a drawing in my visual diary of what we can to be grateful for. My shoebox ‘gumleaf’ collection was a resource to form a circle of protection around Amara's moon motif at the centre. And most significantly, it represents the wider circle of friends and family, those who are saddened by her loss.  Another nest will be built.

This work is "Possum dreaming" by indigenous artist, Molly Peterson (Coral Street Art Space). It speaks to me cross culturally,  marking the four directions, holistic environments, seasonal changes, all brought together into the central circle that unites them/us all. Ironically, I had searched for 'possum' hoping that the image mentioned above would turn up. This one did instead....not complaining! Such a wonderful painting, and so resonates.

Amara's memorial wall hanging

 Nearly five months ago I lost my first grandchild. What follows is the making of a memorial quilt for our little Amara, stillborn on 3 July 2021. In the time of making the little wall hanging my grief has come to terms with the Mystery that is Life and Death, even in the very young, and it has brought it home with great grief. Amara means moon in Arabic, and I was so looking forward to meeting this wee new moon.

I had bought some lovely Australiana style fabrics featuring kookaburras, possums and of course koalas for the purpose of making a cot quilt and floor-throw for our little baby girl, due later in the year. Beside the possums, koalas, kookaburras were all sorts of native bush flora, grevilleas and eucalypt leaves, seed nuts and flowers, flannel flowers and banksia, tea tree and proteas. Work on it was about to begin, as I imagined pointing out the different creatures: “Where’s the possie; and can you see a kookie?” 

On that Monday night there was a phone call from Leo. “Are you sitting down, Mum? Maybe get a glass of wine.” I was familiar with that type of introduction to our conversations and knew it portended some sort of news, but I was not prepared for what was to follow.  After some small talk in response to his query about my state and the annoyances of living in a Covid-19 world, the words he uttered left me speechless and broke my heart. He continued by telling me they’d been to the clinic at the hospital, “…they couldn’t find a heartbeat.” With that small clinical phrase, everything fell apart, and the unrealistic hope that somehow they were wrong stayed with me until I heard my dear son whimper, as I desperately searched for words that would not come.

Talking to the oncology nurse this morning, I told her our sad news, and that making a memorial quilt was helping me accept our tragic loss. She is a quilter too. She said “Ah, that’s lovely – and it will remind them of their little girl whenever they use it.” I didn’t quite get her comment until it dawned on me that she was probably thinking of a bed quilt, not a wall hanging, which is what I am working on. It began as a simple, small cloth intended for Leo and Mel to hold little Amara in their arms after the 22 week gestation and her birth as a stillborn, and perhaps to be used as a burial cloth later. It was a mourning cloth, but has now become a wall hanging that I hope brings peace and comfort to Mel and Leo – and a memory of their first pregnancy. It’s devastating to lose a child, especially the first, in utero and for no apparent clinical reason.

The 24” square of backing cotton depicts the pale white petals and golden-centres of the Tasmanian blue gum species of eucalypt. I’m reminded that the botanical word is derived from the Greek to describe the calyx of gum flowers, safe and protected from the environment, before they burst open into full bloom. But even what has not come into full blossom brings beauty to the world – and our lives. I brought my sister into the cloth by stitching a finely crocheted necklace of flowers and leaves that she’d brought home for me from Turkey, stitched into place at the corners and mid-points of dissection in quilting the two layers: the wheel of the eight seasons of Earth’s annual cycle. The double orange flowers overhanging the edge seem to bring the flatness of the square to life, and there’s a little sparkle from the clear glass beads incorporated into the crochet.

More to come in the designing of this little memorial quilt.